November 12, 2010

Without art where would I be?

Sometimes I just have to sit back and reflect...I think back to where I was and who I was to where I am and who I am becoming. I say "becoming" because even at the age of 39 I am still growing, developing...morphing! I don't know that I'd ever be ready to say it's time to grow up and stop enjoying life the way I do now...I think I like jumping in mud puddles way too much.
It wasn't always good though, and I'd be lying if I said my life was or is perfect but I have learned that it is best to make do with the life you have...add glitz, glitter and grunge if you want to personalise it of course.

Looking back...I have had dozens of jobs over the years and it feels like I have lived a dozen lives. Some were good...some were not. I've been in violent relationships that left me scarred both physically and emotionally, afraid of people and totally messed up. My life is what I allowed it to be...now I am not taking all the blame for the broken bones, bruises and shattered soul, but I know that I could have escaped but chose not to. I pity the old me, but that is the past and I can't change it and wouldn't because "all roads lead to here".
I think back on the medications I was on to control my violent mood swings, I remember a point in my life when I thought the world would be so much better off without me...I felt worthless, useless, pathetic, crushed and broken...I tried to kill myself.
I won't go into details of what I tried because it's not important, what is important is the direction I took from there. I chose to live, I chose art.

I had always loved creativity and self expression and I tried alot of different things, hobbies, interests, etc.
In hospital I wrote poetry and sketched with a tiny piece of charcoal. At first my words and images were dark and sorrowful but slowly they began to show light and life, they showed what was inside of me trying to break free...like a moth from a cocoon. At the end of my three month "stay" I was smiling and painting with pastels and my poetry was about the colours in life.

My creative style has changed so much since then and I know it will continue to do so as my tattered moth wings unfurl and strengthen.
Art has been my saviour, it has helped me to see the beauty in things, it has shown me that there is good in the world. Even when bad things happen.

I look at my hands, they are my tools, they are also an extension to my expression...I use my hands to emphasise my thoughts and feelings. I love my hands.

*small pink orb

*large pink orb


*blue aura


*tiny blue orb next to pink orb


*NOTE* these are photos of my hands taken about half an hour before I posted this, they have not been edited in any way, my shirt is black and grey only. The photos were taken by myself with a time delay on my camera, I could not see the positioning of my hands as I was in front of the camera. If you believe in orbs, you will find these images interesting.




9 comments:

Mitch said...

WOW.. Linda how wonderful I believe in Aura's and your hands are very creative, I was told I have healing hands as I have a green Aura around them!!

Paper Paradise said...

It is brilliant how art is such a healer. I spend each Friday morning at our local Women's Refuge creating altered books and journalling in them. It has proved to be one of the most well attended classes they have had. Some chat away, others completely lose themselves in the process, but everyone loves it! Thanks for sharing! x

jenny said...

Such a heartfelt post Linda... the healing power of art...
I love your photos and the beautiful aura colors...thank you for sharing...

Jenny x

Bren said...

Linda you are an extraordinary woman, thank you for sharing your life, heart and art so openly. Truly the power of art to bring transformation or to act as a conduit to change is amazing isn't it.

Queen Kat said...

I love these images!!

sandra de said...

Such heartfelt sharing is as inspiring as your art. Now your photos are catching the inspiration. thanks xxx Sandra

Brigitte G. said...

Hi Linda...
i absolutely love your post, very heartfelt... i felt for you ...for the hard things you've been through (eventhough i don't know them but i can feel in your writing) and it's such a blessing that you've come out the way you did through art and you're such an amazing and talented person.
and looove your pics here... there's something about them....

Nay and Gilly said...

wow how cool!

chrisw said...

hmm me thinks you had some visitors,thanks for sharing something so heartfelt,could not have been easy to open yourself so,I felt such a closeness to you myself today,thankyou so much just for being you!!